Thursday, March 02, 2006
1:19 AM
You and me I've realized that the bulk of what I've been writing has been about me loftily explaining what should and should not be for myself more than the reality of stuff I experience everyday, not that what I've been writing about was wrong or anything but I think it's time to downshift gears to a simpler entry this time. Just me.
I wake up in my little room in the city. Yes that's all it is, what can I say?! That and a bathroom wherein the shower is so near the toilet you could shampoo while...well, you could multi-task if you choose to HAHAHAHA, I'll go that far. It's pretty cozy, just enough space to go home to and rest in. We usually don't take breakfast since civilization for me and my soon-to-be ex roomie Kim is just a few blocks on the way to work.
I usually get to work all fresh, hair wet if I didn't choose to be girly and blowdry it into shape. While the smell of great shampoo and sweet lotion still lingers about me I feel it's another beautiful morning until work tumbles down on me. If there's no work just yet I ease through the office checking who's arrived and who hasn't, and make my daily round of hello's and how are you's. When nothing comes in, usually He calls me, gives me a little tug inside and says "Chika muna tayo." hehehe! No kidding sometimes it really sounds like that to me...as familiar as a workmate, my best friend, Who's just arrived and wants to hear from me. I take out my horsie journal and little Bible, and begin writing to Jesus. Funny sometimes i get the idea it's like for example I'm the mute person...who can't talk out loud...so God's beside me and I'm writing it out for Him as I would want to speak to Him hehe, I wouldn't want my officemates witnessing me monologue outloud just like that hahahaha. All those open doors would be shut hehe!
On paper I pour out my jokes (yes, I try to make God laugh with my ka-cornihan...as if noh, malay niyo! try niyo, wag lang bastusan ha), my joys, my fears, my hopes and dreams, my trials, my praises, and many many times, my questions. Within the pages of my journal I find comfort in communing with my King, and I find favor with Him when I do. He cares about the small things just as much as the big things. I know He's the God Who cares that I want the cheese in my Burger King Mushroom Swiss melted till the edges wrinkle and go over the edge of the beef pattie, alam Niya yun I'm telling you, and He knows it matters to me.
Sometimes I pray about the pettiest things, and even when you don't expect to answer, He does. He knows you want that bus to wait, He knows you want to get to that building on time, He knows you want that job, He knows you need this much to be able to get that, He knows you need this person to not misunderstand, He knows you need to stay awake to make the deadline, or pass that test, He knows He knows He knows...so why not bring it to Him in prayer anyway? So when people ask me sometimes bout certain things "You even pray about that??" I'm like "Yeah, alam niya naman e, but He likes it more when I bring it to Him." I wonder why some people limit their God thinking He has too much to do, why bother Him pa daw. Kaya nga God e...give Him credit for Who He is, if you need or want something, yes He even listens to your wants, let's bring it to Him.
I feel a lot. A LOT. Sometimes, I wonder Why God just jampacked so much...much...heart&emotion into this small package. I have so much to submit EVERYDAY. A lot of times I feel like I can't contain myself, the good or the bad...tends to burst out, hopefully more good. Everything just...explodes or combusts for me inside, whether something great happens, something sad, something scares me, I want something, I hope for something, I wait for something...any of that is so hard to contain inside of me. I either have to write, sing, share with someone, pray, cry, or yes in some cases...clean the bathroom with a passion. I do that. I know He made me like this for a purpose, hopefully soon I'll find out why in a big way.
So that's a lot of me in this article...and the mosquitoes have just about chewed halfway around my ankles so for now I can't say anything more. Lord, reassure me about things You have in store for me. Lord, I pray for the person reading this that You bless him or her in a mighty way and reassure him or her that we are all equals at the foot of the cross, all work in progress, but nonetheless You love us all the same, the do gooders, those who try, and those who fail...You love us all the same. We all need You to fill our big and small in-betweens, no matter what they may be, broken hearts, broken families, lost jobs, lost finances, lost loved ones, lost hope...You can fill the gaps in our hearts. I pray blessing over the person reading this and may he or she find comfort in seeking You and Your beautiful plan. I love you, God. This chronic pain in my right ear now, You care about that, too. Please make it better. Goodnight.
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